BY KEVIN CARR
10. Norbit (2007)
After being nominated for an Oscar, Eddie Murphy bounced back to remind the cinematic world that he still made some of the worst movies imaginable. It may have been a hit, but like the hideous spoofs of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, it only proved that at the right time, the public likes absolute crap.
9. Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows (2000)
Although it induced nausea in moviegoers around the world, The Blair Witch Project was a bona fide indie hit that was a pretty neat film when all was said and done. However, in the wake of spoofs done by everyone from Chris Rock to porno producers, the sequel to this cinematic innovator reached levels of suck only consistently seen in Uwe Boll’s film repertoire.
8. Gods and Generals (2003)
Not only was this movie as long as the Civil War itself, it lost the battle at the box office. Ted Turner footed a chunk of the bill in exchange for a jarring cameo and a sensitive portrayal of the South. Unfortunately, that sensitive portrayal also included godawful digital effects, overly long sequences and one of the most meandering plots in the modern era.
7. Marie Antoinette (2006)
This was quite simply one of the most boring films to sit through… ever. You’d think a movie about the famous French queen would be interesting. But with a rare exception of an out-of-place use of modern music, this film left me waiting for the famous beheading… which never came.
6. Alexander (2004)
After “JFK,” Oliver Stone just couldn’t keep himself under control. He ended up making a career out of overblown films with needless effect works and completely incomprehensible plots. No film reached his peak of overkill like “Alexander” did, with wild elephant warfare, rambling speeches by Ptolomy and way too many overt reminders that Alexander the Great liked the lads.
5. The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002)
Here’s Eddie Murphy again, with one of his vehicles topping the worst films of the decade. This film is such a failure because it had so much going for it – from the cast to the budget. Only pulled off the shelf to be released in the wake of an actor’s strike, “The Adventures of Pluto Nash” was an embarrassment to all who worked on it.
4. Crash (2004)
I know it won the Academy Award for Best Picture, but this continues to be a film I found to be excruciating to watch. It was meant to be a movie that challenged our own racist views, but all it did was point fingers without a point at all. The bottom line is that this movie declares everyone a racist… except for the kind folks who made the movie.
3. The Sweetest Thing (2002)
The script to this film sold for more than $1 million by first-time screenwriter Nancy Pimental, and when it was finally produced, it was one of the biggest bombs of 2002. Rightfully so, it was a wretched movie, featuring a cast of major sluts trying to find love in Los Angeles… not that this is an unrealistic concept.
2. Battlefield Earth (2000)
John Travolta let his love of Scientology put himself firmly behind one of the worst science fiction movies made in the modern age. Telling the story of L. Rob Hubbard’s science fiction story, this film was considered to be released as an advertised turkey, until Travolta demanded it be given a serious treatment. The technical side was actually pretty good. It was just the story, characters and plot that were terrible.
1. Gigli (2003)
This film will always be controversial because there are people who contend that it was the bad press from Bennifer #1 that killed the box office. Those people obviously haven’t seen this film. Ben Affleck and Justin Bartha aren’t bad, but Jennifer Lopez is a perfect storm of bad acting. Add to this the most unnecessary and incomprehensible cameos from Christopher Walken and Al Pacino, and you have an acting mess. The story is terrible, trying to make a kitchen sink fish-out-of-water comedy from a gangster film. Then, it has one of the most ludicrous endings that rivals the length of that of “Lord of the Rings: Return of the King.” It was a terrible, terrible movie, and is worth such historical notations.
DISHONORABLE MENTION – Irreversible (2002)
This French shock-thriller is a truly awful film. Not for the overuse of violence and sex. Not for the nine minute rape scene. Not for the unflinching attempt to say something about revenge. Instead, this mess of a movie spends scene after scene with unnecessary herky-jerky camera movement, insipid improvised dialogue, one of the biggest cliches ever committed to film and an ending scene that will literally cause seizures in most epileptics. And it’s supposed to be art. I call shenanigans, big time!